


Mi sono innamorato di te

by MrsWinterBreath



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bottom Tony Stark, Depression, Driving, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Holding Hands, I Love You, Italian Tony Stark, Italian song, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Tony Stark, Pining, References to Depression, Slow Dancing, Songfic, SteveTony, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Top Steve Rogers, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 10:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20905901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsWinterBreath/pseuds/MrsWinterBreath
Summary: Tony cackles shaking his head, a little smile creeps on his tired face “Mi sono innamorato di te” he corrects “I fell in love with you”.Steve jolts and looks at him with his mouth parted, a questioning expression on his clueless face and Tony clears his throat a little embarrassed. “It’s- it’s the song’s name” he explains, tightening his lips.(...)“It’s just-“, Tony tried, but his voice died in his gut so he quickly turned away his look not to cross Steve’s eyes.“Tony, hey, look at me”, he urged, grabbing his face with his gentle fingers and making Tony turning back, “what’s the problem?”.The brunet man briefly sobbed, his throat burning with tears. “I don’t want to be alone”, he confessed, “not anymore”.





	Mi sono innamorato di te

Stars are starting to make their appearance in the dark sky outside the slightly open windows, roads and landscapes chasing one another while they are driving home. Tony has been holding a conference that night, and Steve offered to wait for him until he finished all the pleasantries with the many people present at the meeting.

“What’s this?” Steve asks all of a sudden, holding in one hand a cd rom and making it swing. He intensely looks at its surface with a furrowed expression. “Luigi Tenco” he mumbles, trying to spell the name right even though it comes out with a K rather than a C.

Tony leaves out a brief giggle at the blond’s wrong pronunciation and gives him a little look.  
“He’s an Italian singer” he explains. “My mother used to listen to him when I was a kid. She thought he’d sung beautifully.”

He keeps his eyes on the road, forcing himself to act casual despite the fact talking about his mother always gives him a little ache: if he closes his eyes, he can still feel the gentle hold of his mother hands on his own, making him dance around the living room to the sound of the vinyl record.

Steve turns around the cd and focuses on the tracks written behind. Tony can see him concentrate, perhaps wanting to pronounce the songs’ name in the right way.  
“Mi sono innaro- mi sono innaroma- innamota-“

Tony cackles shaking his head, a little smile creeps on his tired face. “Mi sono innamorato di te” he corrects. “I fell in love with you.”

Steve jolts and looks at him with his mouth parted, a questioning expression on his clueless face and Tony clears his throat a little embarrassed.

“It’s- it’s the song’s name” he explains, tightening his lips.

They’ve been together for a few weeks now, kissing each other around, making it to the bedroom way too often. But still none of them has actually professed a deeper feeling than an affectionate one.

It had never occurred to Tony he should state how much he loved Steve, to highlight feelings he was experiencing just to make him understand his affection toward him.  
It wasn’t because he didn’t care, not ever. It was because he didn’t think he could even do it, to allow himself this possibility, not to even dare saying out loud how happy he was of not being alone.

The truth was that he was fine with being alone, for real, but with Steve he had realised that he didn’t like it that much.

“You wanna put it on?” Tony asks, subtly looking at the blond man still focused on the object between his hands.

“Yeah, yeah of course!” he exclaims, and once he has shaken untold thoughts away from his mind, he manages to turn on the music, then proceeds playing the song the other man was talking about.

The voice starts singing out of the blue.

_Mi sono innamorato di te  
Perché  
Non avevo niente da fare_

Steve looks at him with the same look he previously had when he was trying to decifrate the title’s meaning. He probably doesn’t want to bother Tony, but at the same time he’d really like to know what the song is talking about.

“Would you mind to-?” he bubbles a little awkwardly and Tony softly smiles.

“You want me to translate it?” he asks, and Steve nods fondly.  
“I fell in love with you because I had nothing to do” Tony murmurs, and once again, at first, Steve looks disoriented, almost as if those words were directed to him.

Tony turns away, his eyes on the road in front of them, his heart aching a little at the thought that perhaps he had. Perhaps he had really fallen in love because he was feeling numb and empty. He still remembers it had come a time during which he would just wander around his lab, trying to find a project, a document, _something_ on which he could work, something that could keep his mind occupied.

Nothing had felt the same since New York. He _had_ to keep himself busy, or else he would feel his whole desperation fall on his head. And by working and operating he had managed to go through a really rough time, to overcome endless nights during which he felt like dying was his only option.

_Il giorno  
Volevo qualcuno da incontrare  
La notte  
Volevo qualcosa da sognare_

“In daytime I wanted someone to meet with, in nighttime I wanted someone to dream of.”

_Is it true?_ Tony asks himself.

At three pm he felt so lonely, all alone in that big workshop of his, the pitiless sun of the afternoon making its way through the windows; but at three in the morning, while he laid on his bed sleepless, for a long time he couldn’t help but imagine a nice and joyful future with someone who could love him as much as he did.

The truth was that he was deeply sad, and life itself was breaking his heart. He would wake up hoping for the day to end the sooner, that hours could glide on him without realising it. He would go to sleep on Monday hoping he could wake up on Friday, and sometimes he would almost expect summer to come after winter.

And he had felt this way for a long time, and the thing that was paining him the most was the realisation that that feeling was not going to go away. Sometimes he would feel suffocating.

And he would sometimes say “I want to die”, and he was really joking about it, it was self-pity, of course, but at three in the morning, when he couldn’t sleep, perhaps that thought was a little more honest.

_Mi sono innamorato di te  
Perché  
Non potevo più stare solo_

“I fell in love with you because I couldn’t stand being alone anymore.”  
His voice shakes a little, and he briefly startles when he feels a gentle stroke on his jaw. Steve is caressing him with one hand, soft circles on his skin that makes him shiver. He needed it, he needed it _so much_: someone who could make him feel less lonely, someone who could sit next to him and just be quiet while enjoying his company.

He realised he had developed feelings for Steve once the blond man had come visiting him in his workshop. It was one of those numb afternoons, during which Tony would just classify old documents to keep himself occupied, without having a real interest in what he was doing. Steve had entered the room without announcing himself: he had sat on the couch, his sketchbook on his legs, and he had just passed the time drawing, without talking or anything.

Tony had noticed him after a while, of course. He had waited for the blond man to show himself, but Steve seemed not to have any intention in doing so, so Tony had been quiet, not wanting to spoil the moment. He had enjoyed the gentle touch of Steve’s pencil on the rough paper, and that mere sound had made him feel less lonely.

And while he was there, folding documents and trying to organise his papers, Tony had found himself not wanting that moment to ever end: the whole lab had now a new light, his own work suddenly seemed interesting, and Steve, Steve himself, looked to him like the chance of finally doing alright.

_Il giorno  
Volevo parlare dei miei sogni  
La notte  
Parlare d’amore_

“In daytime I wanted to talk about my dreams, at nighttime I wanted to talk about love” Tony translates once again, and then he clears his throat, because now that he is listening to it after so much time, he actually thinks that this song sums up his feelings a lot.

During those afternoons in his lab, at some point he had started talking with Steve, at first just little sentences, thoughts about the weather, or senseless informations. Then, out of nowhere, he had actually asked him how his day was going, and he had felt so dumb.

“Not that good” Steve had answered.

“Uh?” Tony had tried to look quite disinterested, even though the thought of Steve being upset would make him feel a piercing ache in his chest.

“That’s why I’ve come down here” Steve had added. “I can find comfort only when I’m here.”

Tony was left speechless. The fact was that every day, after poorly eating a meal that he would call a lunch, Tony couldn’t wait for Steve to show up in his workshop; it had become an habitude and every time the blond man would come a little later, he would repeat himself that that’s was it, he was not going to come that time.

But Steve, Steve always showed up. And they talked and talked and talked, about anything which would cross their minds. And they laughed and looked at each other way too often to be subtle.

“What you’re gonna do when all of this is over?” Steve asked at some point, leaning a little further on his seat, still far enough from the other man not to make him questioning his feelings.

Tony shook his head. “I don’t know, Cap” he stretched his eyes with his fingers, lowering his head not to look him. “It’s not like I have anywhere else to go to.”

“I’m sorry” Steve mumbled, and silently damned himself for asking such a dumb question.

“You don’t have to” Tony answered and then briefly blushed trying to look away from him. “I just-“ he added. “I just don’t want to think about later.”

Steve jumped from the couch, thus approaching Tony on the chair and grabbing his hands out of the blue, surprising his own self. “Of course”, he murmured and Tony quivered a little when he raised his look to meet his one- shiny blue eyes that seemed to have trapped the universe’s sky in them.

“I just don’t want to think about losing you” he confessed with a huge urge to cry in his chest, and Steve remained still, his mouth slightly parted.

“You won’t” he murmured. “I’m here.” He leaned forward and gently put his arms above Tony’s shoulders, then hugged him tightly, stroking his hand on his back.

Then one night, Tony was resting in the kitchen at three in the morning, his eyes not wanting to shut and let him sleep, when suddenly Steve had showed up too. He opened the fridge, and tried to look for something to eat, but thanks to the neon light of the device he caught Tony’s shadow all curled up on the couch.

“Tony!” he jolted. “What are you doing here? You scared me.”

Tony removed one of the earpieces he had on. “I’m sorry” he apologised. “I didn’t hear you coming.” He looked upset, almost weary of a weight he seemed to had kept on his shoulders way too long.

“Is everything okay?” Steve asked, now really worried about him.

Tony nodded repetitively, classical music still playing in one ear, so loud that it could damage his own hearing, but not enough to make him feel something beside a grieving emptiness.

“What are you listening to?” Steve looked at the bright display of Tony’s mp3, and read the title’s song out loud. “Tchaikovsky?” he made a confused look.

Tony startled. “It’s just- It just is loud enough to cover my thoughts” he mumbled now feeling dumb. “I’m sorry.”

Steve shook his head. “And for what?”  
He turned off Tony’s earpieces so that the music was now playing out loud. “Would you dance with me?” he asked, moving forward one hand to reach Tony’s.

He felt a shiver, something enjoyable and dreading at the same time, at the idea of being in the arms of his beloved and knowing he was not going to be held by him forever.

Steve grabbed both of his hands, forcing him to step closer, then placed one hand on his back and quietly rested his head on the socket between Tony’s neck and shoulder.

The music was playing softly in the background, and Tony almost thought that his heartbeat could overcome the sound. He found out he was holding his breath, and relaxed a little trying to enjoy the moment, but he was feeling like a fragile object in Steve’s arms, and he really feared that if the blond man was ever going to let him go he would fall on the ground shattering into pieces.

“Don’t leave” he left out in a whisper, and for a moment he really thought he had not said that out loud.

But Steve held him tighter, then replied “never,” a whisper too.

_Ed ora  
Che avrei mille cose da fare  
Io sento i miei sogni svanire  
Ma non so più pensare  
A nient’altro che a te_

“And right now that I’d actually have thousand of things to do, I can feel my dreams shattering but I can’t think about anything but you.”

The grip on his hand, resting on his tight while he drives, is strong, it gives him relief from the quiet thoughts he’s having by listening to this song. And Steve looks at him smiling, his eyes telling what they’re both thinking in that moment- ‘I can’t think about anything but you.’

And it really is like this, because whatever he is doing always leads his mind to Steve. To his hands, to his hair, to his eyes and gentle smile. And Tony feels so desperate whenever he swear he can _feel_ his heart aching in his chest with love for Steve. A deep, honest and pure love that consumes him at every moment of the day: that makes him longing for Steve when they are not together, and makes him really think it can rip off his lungs with his beats when they are kissing or even just holding hands.

_Mi sono innamorato di te  
E adesso  
Non so neppur’io cosa fare_

“I fell in love with you and now I don’t even know what I should do.”

_No one’s ever gonna love me,_ Tony would sometimes think, _no one_. He had tried so hard, so so hard to believe in love, to believe in something good, but he he would really always end up with being let down by everyone, and for a moment there, he thought he was going to be all alone for his whole life.

And when he had found out he was starting to feel attached to Steve, he had felt so scared. Because he was sure the more he was going to enjoy his presence, the more it was going to hurt when it would all end.

“It won’t” Steve had reassured him once Tony had confessed him his worries. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m not leaving.”

“You will” Tony had stated once again, almost as if he was challenging Steve to prove him wrong, he _wanted_ to be wrong, for the first time in his whole life.

And Steve had laughed. A soft laugh, a fresh one, full of fondness and melancholy.  
“You wanna bet?” he had asked, and Tony had shaken his head now smiling, but deep in his chest the fear of eventually winning was consuming his lungs.

_Il giorno  
Mi pento d’averti incontrata  
La notte  
Ti vengo a cercare_

“In daytime I regret meeting you, in nighttime I come looking for you” Tony says, a firm tone, but his heart would say otherwise.

It’s true, once again it’s true: every morning when he wakes up he feels like a burden, he can’t help but think no one can stand him, and he thinks Steve would be so much better without him. But when the sun starts setting, and shivers make their way on his lonely skin, he finds himself looking for Steve, like that very first time.

“Steve-?” Tony called one night. He could not sleep, he was trying but he just couldn’t. It had been one of those days during which he was not feeling that good, actually questioning his own life, asking himself if it was worth it to keep on going hour by hour, day by day, month by month, without even feeling a damn thing, without managing to undergo an emotion or anything.

He had got up from his bed, and had started wandering around the rooms in search of something he didn’t know of; but without even realising it he was directed toward Steve’s bedroom, his inner thoughts telling him that he was the only person whom he could find comfort to.

“Steve, are you awake?” he whispered from outside the room, by leaning to the door knowing it was quite impossible to hear his soft voice from there. But apparently Steve was really awake, and could hear him quite and well thanks to his super-hearing.

“Tony?” Steve asked. “Come in.” When Tony entered the room he found it all dark except for a little lamp turned on on Steve’s desk.

“I didn’t want to bother you” he apologised. “Just wanted to see what you’re up for.”

Steve briefly laughed. “At three in the morning?” He was standing in front of the window, still dressed with his day clothes.

“You know,” Tony started. “They say if you get up at three in the morning chances are you’re possessed by a demon or something so- am I really talking to you?”

At this point Steve turned over and laughed again, his laugh looked like a little bell sound in the quietness of the night. “I could ask you the same” he replied.

Tony too laughed, and he suddenly felt a little lighter, being there with Steve. But a moment after, the giggle abandoned his lips, and his face darkened a little when he reminded how everything in his life was temporary.

He sat on the edge of Steve’s bed, and the blond man looked at him in confusion.

“Is everything okay?” he tried asking, but at the same time Tony had talked too.

“Do you care about me?” Tony muffled.

Steve quietly approached him. “Why would you ask?” he mumbled, while kneeling in front of him, so that the two of them where now face to face.

“It’s just-“ Tony tried, but his voice died in his gut so he quickly turned away his look not to cross Steve’s eyes.

“Tony, hey, look at me” he urged, grabbing his face with his gentle fingers and making Tony turning back. “What’s the problem?”

Tony briefly sobbed, his throat burning with tears. “I don’t want to be alone” he confessed. “Not anymore.”

The hurt look on Steve’s face made him finally weep, and he felt such a kid, and once again he tried to look away, but Steve’s fingers were on him again, now gently stroking his hair and back, and holding him tight in his arms.

“I care, Tony, I care” he repeated while making himself closer. “I care so much, more than you’ll ever think.”

Tony distanced himself a little, trying to wipe away the tears. “How much?” he asked with a crack in his voice, while Steve’s fingers were now tracing unknown drawings on his face. “Tell me” he exhorted.

“So, so much” Steve whispered, his lips replacing his fingers, leaving light kisses on Tony’s neck, and jaw, and eyelids. “So much.”

Tony’s skin felt like burning, but it wasn’t enough, it _still_ wasn’t enough. “Show me” he begged. “_Please._”

And Steve cupped his face with a delicate grip, then leaned on him and softly kissed Tony, a gentle kiss, a kind one. Just the brief touch of lips holding promises he wanted to say out loud but couldn’t properly spell.

But Tony wanted more, he wanted more and more and more. And he pulled Steve’s face on his own, his mouth crashing on the blond’s one, this time a little more rushed, and Tony parted his lips and nipped Steve’s ones because he _needed_ to feel something more.

And Steve let him, and replied to the kiss with the same energy, the same hunger, and leaned on Tony once again, making his hands wander on the other’s man dark hair, and strong back. Tony was suddenly feeling, everything at the same time, all in once, and it felt so good. His heart was racing, and for a moment he almost thought it was going to fall from his chest, but if he was going to die this way he was good with it.

Steve gently pushed him on the bed, then laid on it too, supporting himself on his arms while still kissing Tony passionately. But soon it wasn’t enough again, and Tony had to feel more, because he was feeling alive after a long time, and he wanted to have it all. So he pushed away Steve’s shirt, and caressed his chest in a desperate way, longing for skin contact, and by being pleased by Steve at the same time. Steve pulled away his shirt too, and there he was, touching his muscles with his gentle fingers, lighted up by the blue shine of the arc reactor.

_More, more_. It still wasn’t enough to Tony, he still needed to feel the raw contact with burning and living flesh, and he did not want it to be anyone’s contact, he wanted it to be Steve’s. He made his hand slide into Steve’s briefs, moaning himself, mouth wide open, because he wanted to let it all out, he really wanted to feel alive. And Steve reacted with the same enthusiasm, and undressed him too, and touched Tony where his skin was sensitive the most, making him shiver and moan again.

Steve kissed him once more, trapped Tony’s noises in his own throat, then made his lips trace all of his body, the wounded skin beside the arc reactor, and then his soft belly, and then his tight abdomen, and the smooth flesh between his tights by taking Tony in his mouth and making him groan again, trying to make him sob from pleasure this time.

And to feel Steve’s coarse tongue on himself made Tony quiver, made him understand that this was the touch he had been yearning for for so long, this was how much he needed someone to take care of him but again- not just someone, but _Steve_.

And then it was not enough once again, and the fresh air on his groin once Steve’s hot lips left him caused him an ache in his heart, the same suffering he was dealing with when he couldn’t sleep at night.

_More, I want more_, he wanted to say, but he did not want to be that desperate, he did not want to show Steve just how much he needed to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all.

But Steve looked at him how Tony had always wanted to be looked at, and while kissing him once again, he pushed one finger inside of him, catching with his mouth another moan from Tony, when he let another finger slide inside him.

Tony looked at him, gratitude in his eyes, heartfelt thanks for having collected his broken pieces from the ground, for trying to put it back together but it still, it _still_ wasn’t enough.

And Steve got it, he understood it by looking him in the eyes, that Tony was not going to ask for more because he thought he had already taken too much, but Steve kissed him fondly and finally let himself slide inside Tony, making him gasp a little, his lips wide open, his eyes darkened with appreciation.

“I care” Steve suddenly repeated. “I really do.”

He slowly started moving his hips, crashing into Tony’s ones, and Tony moaned again and again, all messy and loudly because he didn’t care. He wanted to hear his own noises because the sound of it was making him realise it was really happening, he was really alive, he was really being held and loved.

Steve caught Tony’s intention, saw in his eyes the desperate need of being reassured, of being told that someone was going to take care of him for the rest of his life.

“I care” Steve whispered again in Tony’s ear. “I care, I care.” He repeated it at every thrust, his hands sliding on Tony’s skin, making him feel his presence, all his fondness in his gentle touch.

“Make me feel how much you care” Tony urged. “Please.” The way his voice kind of cracked at that simple begging word made Steve’s heart ache, but Tony’s hands were rough on his flesh, gripping and holding his lower back until Steve let himself go inside of him, while Tony too moaned loudly with his own pleasure.

They remained like this for a while, Steve’s forehead resting on Tony’s one, both panting in each other’s breath. Then Steve let him go, laying next to him on the mattress too.

Silence fell upon their tired heads, and for a moment Tony finally felt at peace.

“I really care, Tony” Steve eventually whispered. “Don’t you ever think the opposite.”

Steve kept holding his hand the whole night, and for the first time Tony did not feel alone.

And there he is, still holding that hand and not wanting to let it go not now, not ever.

They finally arrive back home, night is full and dark upon them but a few stars shining slightly. The mid summer breeze makes Tony shiver a little, but he’s not really sure if it’s the air’s fault or Steve eyes’.

Steve is looking at him with a gutted expression but it looks like it is a deep affection more than a suffering that is devouring him from the inside.

The music has ended, a great silence falls between them, but it seems to be full of unanswered questions that none of them is able to speak out loud. Their hands are still entwined, and they both look like they’re longing for the other to say something, to feel them say that they think that too, they are feeling the same sensations.

Then Steve finally breaks the silence. “Did you?” he quietly asks, and at first Tony looks confused.

The blond man keeps caressing his hand, soft touches that reminds him he’s not alone, and now Tony understands what Steve is really trying to ask: _did you fall in love with me?_

He looks him straight in his eyes and slightly parts his lips. For a long time he did not want to say it out loud, he did not want to say _I love you_. He couldn’t help but think that whenever he was actually going to say it, he would be left alone once again. But with Steve he had so often felt the urge to say it and he knew, he _damn_ knew, they were only words, stupid letters forming terms that didn’t even make any sense, but when he was with him, _love_ was the only thing he could think about.

So he clears his throat a little, wetting his lips and swallowing. It shouldn’t be difficult, it’s _Steve_.

“I did” he finally sets for, and Steve smiles, widely smiles, and once again Tony’s heart feels like jumping out of his chest.

Steve strokes his hand once more, then catches his mouth for a brief kiss, all smiles and a little joyful giggle, then confesses “I did too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Hope you liked the fic, here's the song's link if you want to listen to it, I absolutely LOVE it: https://youtu.be/DAhtAf2NMrE
> 
> Anyway, this was my first written sex scene, so I really hope it wasn't cringe, let me know what you think about it in the comments.
> 
> Please, please, please, I'm begging you all: if you liked the fic then leave a kudos/comment, it would really make my day!
> 
> Thanks to all of you who arrived down here, love each one of you, have a really GREAT day!!!!
> 
> ps: I'm sorry for possible mistakes, I do not speak english that well!  
pps: if you love stevetony and suffering then go check my other fic "Do not stand at my grave berefth"


End file.
